You think you've seen and heard it all, and then something comes up that just makes you slap your palm to your forehead in disbelief.

To wit:

Police: 3 used obits to steal from cars at funeral homes

ROCHESTER, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say they've arrested three people who used obituaries to plan out thefts of items left in vehicles parked at western New York funeral homes.

Law enforcement officials from several agencies in the Rochester area say a 39-year-old man and two women, ages 20 and 23, would find out when and where funerals were being held, then go to the funeral home's parking lot and commit smash-and-grab thefts.

Thefts were reported over the past three months in neighboring Monroe and Livingston counties. Police say the thieves would use stolen credit cards to make purchases at local stores.

Officials say they were able to track down the suspects after a funeral home's surveillance cameras captured images of the suspects' vehicle.

The three have been charged with grand larceny and criminal mischief.

***

That's pretty low. That's almost as low as stealing flowers and other decor from graves themselves.

But that happens too. I've seen video online where people were caught doing this. And, my mom had a small item stolen from my dad's grave not all that long ago. Grrrrrrr.

Just how disgustingly horrid does a person have to be to steal decor from a grave?! And what do they do with it? Decorate their own loved one's grave?

It's beyond me. SLAP! (that's my palm hitting my forehead).

Speaking of losing faith in humanity, and head-scratching crimes ...

Police: Man steals green chile burger after slapping victim

SANTA FE, N.M. (AP) — A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he randomly slapped a customer and then stole the man's green chile cheeseburger before dashing away.

Santa Fe police arrested 25-year-old Anthony Frazier on Sunday near the Shake Foundation where authorities say the bizarre attack occurred.

According to a criminal complaint, the victim says Frazier walked up to him to dance then slapped him across his face. The victim says Frazier then stole his green chile cheeseburger and ran from the scene.

Witnesses say Frazier also had a belt around his neck.

Police later caught up with Frazier and arrested him for robbery after the victim identified him as the alleged burger thief.

It was not known if he had an attorney.

***

...what on earth?! As my grandma used to say, he must have been on "dope." I think drug use is the only explanation for some of the weird, wild stuff that people do these days.

Goodness. That's enough of "How to Lose Faith in Humanity in a Few Paragraphs." Here's a tale of a police officer who's a real gem:

Diamond on the highway: Officer comes to driver's rescue

PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — A police officer has come to the rescue of a New Jersey woman who lost her diamond engagement ring on a highway while changing a flat tire.

Police in Paramus said Kimberly Garcia realized when she got home on Sunday that she had lost her ring after pulling over to change the tire.

She went back to the highway that day with police, but they couldn't find the ring.

For Officer Jon Henderson, the search wasn't over.

He returned to the highway during his free patrol time on Monday and found the ring.

The department posted a photo of Garcia with Henderson, smiling with the ring back on her finger.

***

Aw. That's sweet. Isn't it nice to read something just simple and uplifting?

But that feeling can never last long, can it? Filed under "Bizarre," here's one from the bowels of the police blotter ... so to speak...

Colorado cops search for poop-and-run jogger

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — Police in Colorado are looking for a jogger they say is repeatedly interrupting her runs to defecate in public in one neighborhood.

Cathy Budde says she was first alerted to the woman she's dubbed "The Mad Pooper" by her children, who caught the jogger in the act weeks ago. Budde tells KKTV-TV the woman apologized after she questioned her. But she says the jogger has left something behind on her runs at least once a week for the past seven weeks.

Police have asked Budde to take pictures of the woman so they can try to identify her. Budde has put up a sign asking the woman to stop. She says there are public restrooms in the area.

Police Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti calls the case "uncharted territory."

***

Oh my. The poop jokes could go on and on here, but I'll refrain. All I can think of now, really, is -- YUCK.

Finally, here's an amusing little (big) tale just for fun.

Tucson's giant cactus gift rejected by Amazon in bid for HQ

TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Amazon has rejected the 21-foot (6.4-meter) Saguaro cactus that southern Arizona economic leaders planned to send as a gift to CEO Jeff Bezos, in a bid to attract the company's second headquarters.

"Unfortunately we can't accept gifts (even really cool ones)," an Amazon tweet read.

Amazon says it is instead donating the cactus to the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum in Tucson.

Sun Corridor Inc., an economic development group, said it was sending cactus last week, saying it symbolizes that Tucson has the room to grow with the online retailer. Tucson is one of many cities competing for Amazon's second headquarters, which the company says will result in up to 50,000 new jobs and a $5 billion investment.

"We're thrilled they took notice -- that was our intent. We wanted to be bold in sending a creative message of 'we have room for you to grow here for the long term' -- nothing signifies that better than a saguaro," Sun Corridor Inc. spokeswoman Laura Shaw said in an email to The Associated Press.

Shaw said it will be an intense competition for Amazon's second headquarters and that the project has the power to transform a community.

"We will demonstrate that we are a great fit and have the right assets to win this deal: technical talent, great universities, a booming downtown, among others," Shaw said.

Cities have until Oct. 19 to submit proposals.

Tucson will be competing with Chicago, Detroit, El Paso, Philadelphia, Toronto, Pittsburgh and others, although no other city appears to have made a gesture as big as offering a massive plant.

Amazon is expected to choose a location by 2018.

***

And with that, folks, I bid you adieu for the week. Sure, I could have written a tale or two of my own, but why?

You just can't make this stuff up.

Penny Weaver is the associate publisher and editor of the JG-TC. Her columns include her own opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinion or editorial position of the JG-TC. Contact her at pweaver@jg-tc.com or 217-238-6863, and follow her on Twitter @PennyWeaver.

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